Uke Read it Here

Judges Decide On Molly The Brunswick

Riots feared in Ukulele clubs over whether a ukulele can possess feelings.

A set of judges will meet today to decide whether a lady’s ukulele can have personhood status granted to it.

The case has been brought to light after 70 year old Illuva Pinbridge decided to assert mitigating circumstances for her violent attack on 40 year old Ukulele teacher Frank Murmer.

Pinbridge head butted and hit Murmer at the local ukulele club with a brown Makala Waterman after he had disputed a comment she made about the ukulele being a “happy instrument”.

Murmer, from his hospital bed said.

“I’ve been playing and teaching the ukulele for 20 years. I’ve run a club for 5 and always made sure people know playing the Uke is their own individual journey. I teach how to play but as far as attitudes and the rest it’s all down to them. This wasn’t the first time Mrs Pinbridge has become aggressive. Last week she became very distressed that I suggested you can wear a strap on your instrument.”

Murmer suggests that there has been something sinister going on of late in the Uke pupil world.

“The new generation of ukulele pupil are somehow getting radicalised with ideas that are frankly frightening. No straps. No plectrums. Every ukulele sold shouldn’t cost more than £70 and should come with a gig bag, chord book and pickup regardless of whether you have an amp or not.

“We came to the end of a club rendition of Tears for fears Mad World when Mrs Pinbridge exclaimed what a happy instrument her ukulele was. All I said jokingly was that the ukulele couldn’t be happy because it was an inanimate object incapable of human feeling. I don’t remember the rest.”

Molly the Brunswick

The court case arose as charges were brought against Mrs Pinbridge who cited provocation as reason for her attack. It is believed a number of novice ukulele players from a secret ukulele Facebook group have funded the proceedings to prove that Mrs Pinbridge Ukulele does infact have feelings. It is believed the defence are to present a case based on in depth sessions between her Brunswick concert and a psychiatrist however lawyers representing the state have suggested that a distinct lack of engagement and eye contact  between the Brunswick named “Molly” and the psychiatrists suggests underlying depression which therefore implies the ukulele is not in fact a happy instrument.
We will be reporting on the case as it proceeds.