Police rush to the border of Ukulele Cult Village, Little Wanking, to intercept one of its rare expulsions.
Terri Mia Newone was ordered to leave the village in a bizarre ceremony which involved Cult Leader Illuva Pinbridge cutting Newones strings off her ukulele and throwing her instrument into a nearby river.
Crimes within the community usually result in reprogramming however, repeat offenders (of which this is the first since the Cult took over the village last year), may be expelled. Crimes include using a strap or playing songs that aren’t contained in the Little Wanking Ukulele Song Index.
Cult expert Dr Irma Sheep believes the crime this time was putting up a Facebook profile picture which didn’t include a ukulele in it.
“It is seen as particularly detrimental to your inclusion in the ukulele Cult. If you do not have a ukulele in your profile picture, other ukulele Cult members will not be able to identify you as a brother or sister and will not automatically add you as a friend without thinking. It also suggests that the ukulele is not at the centre of your life and there fore Little Wanking is not the centre of your universe.”
Miss Newone who last night vowed never to “touch one of those fucking small guitars ever again” was shocked but unharmed last night. She was immediately given post Cult exposure reprogramming which usually takes up to weeks to years to start working. Dr Sheep explained that Newone only really needed 10 minutes and was happy never to hear King of the Swingers ever again.
New developments will be released as we hear of them.