Brandt Branded Ukulele Heretic

Man incurs wrath of radical musicians by publicly destroying ukulele.

Pockets of radical Ukulele players were enflamed with rage last night as American ukulele player Alan Brandt publicly destroyed a ukulele online. The number of witnesses to Brandt smashing the sacred instrument with a hammer is unknown but the angry responses on Facebook were unprecedented.

Police and the national guard have been mobilised to quell disquiet and riots in some communities where there has been mass chest thumping and gnashing of teeth.

Last night, prior to the act, Brandt was warned not to destroy the instrument for fear of reprisals but he refused and continued anyway. He is alleged to have intended to use the neck to build a “cigar box ukulele” but countless numbers felt this was still not “sustainable enough” and denied people in need of a decent opportunity to play.

Brandt was unavailable for comment this morning as rumours suggest he has moved himself and family into hiding. Word of this spurred hundreds of ukulele extremists to storm Brandt’s house in order to save as many ukuleles from destruction as possible. Despite exhaustive searches around the property, only one pink mahalo Ukulele was found. Despite needing a tune, it was largely intact.

“We can confirm that we have this morning removed an instrument from Brandt’s ukulele dungeon of hell where is is known to deface and maim these poor innocent instruments.” Said A representative of the Freedom For Fleas movement. “We have moved this ukulele and given it to a young 10 year old boy living in poverty”

Later this afternoon, Danny the poverty stricken boy was tracked down and asked what he thought of the gift.

“A meal would have been nicer or perhaps some footwear, but, you know I’d like to thank whoever for the small guitar. It made great firewood for warming my uncle Pete who lives outside somewhere.”

More news as it comes……

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